Saturday, December 30, 2006
Otherwise, it was a nice time. My favorite sister-in-law was there, so we drank lots of wine and read plenty of trashy magazines. I wasn't forced to make my own gifts this year. And we ate really decadent meals all week long (I was actually SICK of food and sweets by the time I got home), so I guess all in all it was a pretty good holiday.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part (in regards to blogging!)...my in-laws live in a retirement community and all I can say is that it is a site to behold. So stay tuned for my YARD TCHOTCHKE PARADE...coming in the next day or two. Them old people love cheesy lawn decor.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Compulsive Writer: A place for your pen! (Although, this would look awesome next to my donkey.)
No Cool Story: From the movie A Christmas Story...I thought it would look good in your yellow living room.
Elastic: I think your kiddos would get a kick out of this...and it's very Texas-y. I'll buy you two since they're on sale.
And finally, the best gift ever for Omar....
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Not that there is anything wrong with this...I would just totally suck at a game about gay culture.
Bacon air freshener. Yum. And look, they are on sale!
Soap in the shape of turds would probably cure my OCD when it comes to handwashing.
I also do not want anything I have to make myself. When I first started dating my husband, his mother decided to get me a lamp with a stained-glass shade. She took me to pick out the base and the colored glass...which was a lot of fun... but then she showed me how to cut and shape the pieces (what? why?). She thought I would enjoy doing it myself. UGH.
So I spent almost EIGHT hours in a garage in Florida, grinding glass and soldering the pieces together, while everyone else was at the pool or on the golf course. It was fabulous.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
But, here are some photos from NYC to put you in the holiday spirit.
The tree in Rockefeller Plaza
The M&Ms guy in Times Square (not very Christmasy, but what are the holidays without chocolate, right?)
Christmas ornaments in a fountain
Radio City Music Hall
And a girl's wet dream...a Cartier box the size of a car!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).
Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz
If it makes you feel better, I only got an 80% on the "do you deserve your high school diploma?" quiz. Whoops.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Hubby: Good thing I didn't need any pain meds today, there were only 3 left and I just took 2 so I can get some sleep.
Me: Only 3 left? There were 6 in the bottle this morning.
Hubby: Well there was only 3 in there.
Me: Are you sure? If you didn't take any, where would they have gone?
Hubby: Yes, I am sure, Rhonda. (disgusted tone)
Me: Where was the bottle of pills?
Hubby: In the drawer with all the vitamins.
Me: Um, no. Your pills are up in the cabinet by the refrigerator. You just took 2 prenatal vitamins.
Hubby: They were in the same kind of bottle! What's in those vitamins? (panic)
Me: First of all, all medicine from the pharmacy comes in those bottles. Second, they are just VITAMINS for heaven's sake. They aren't baby making pills. (laughing)
Cut to this morning...
Me: How's your hand feeling?
Hubby: It's okay.
Me: Well, if it starts to hurt again, you are welcome to take the last of my prenatal vitamins. (laughing)
Hubby: Very funny.
Me: I thought so.
My husband very rarely has moments like this, and in his defense, my prenatal vitamins DO look almost exactly like Vicodin. Too bad they don't have the same effect...pregnancy would have been much more fun!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
But it is an honorable idea, so every once in a while I stop and make sure I am actually doing stuff to make me feel proud. Here's my most recent list. Try not to be too overwhelmed by my goodness.
- I have "rescued" three dogs in the past month. They were just neighborhood dogs who escaped somehow, but I did pick them all up and keep them in my backyard until their owners came home. There was Pita (a cute little Dachshund), Tank (a Schnauzer with a very girly haircut) and Max (a German Shorthaired Pointer who JUMPS fences, even escaping from my backyard...clever dog).
- I headed up the MOMs Club fundraising committee this year (despite not really "digging" MOMs Club very much) and helped to gather donations and toys for kids in a foster home community. Here's a picture of about half the stuff we gathered.
- I reported a litterbug. Cause you all know the deal...DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS! This guy had trash flying out of his truck bed all the way down the highway. But don't worry, all they do is send him a letter and a trash bag. www.dontmesswithtexas.org
- I have been smiling brightly and looking every person I come across in the eye since December 1st. I am calling it Project Happy Holidays (Whether You Like it or Not) 2006. I'll tell you all more about it later.
So what have you done to make you feel proud?
Saturday, December 09, 2006
I haven't been in 6 or 7 years, so I am looking for suggestions. My friend KB and I will only be there for a weekend, but we are staying at the Waldorf-Astoria (woohoo) and are game for just about anything. (But preferably things that have to do with food, shopping or culture.)
It's not often that I am hubby AND child-free, so I want to pack this trip with lots of things that can't be done with a small child in-tow (such as eating at a bar or using a public restroom).
Speaking of...check this out. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-11-21-charmin_x.htm (I promise to go and take a photo of this!)
Please post any ideas you might have!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Yes, that's right. This CHILD is learning to drive in a hot, little convertible.
Someone has lost their mind. I learned to drive in a Pontiac Bonneville...and driver's ed was with like four other kids in the car...and not a cute car, it was some ugly four door thing. We were forced to sit there while everyone had a chance to drive. This kid is on his own, top down, just cruising in the slow lane (at 40 miles an hour, I would like to add).
What the f*ck?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Then a man who was apparently scared of his accelerator pulls out in front of me, and insists on going very, very, VERY slooooooowwwwly. Several blocks go by, before I just totally lose it. I like to call this side of my personality Rhonda the Rage Rover.
Me: "DUDE, MOVE YOUR F*CKING CAR!!!!"
From the carseat: "DUUUUUDE!"
Of course I burst out laughing. It was like having a little Keanu Reeves back there. And while I love it when she adds a new word to her repertoire, clearly I have not come to terms with the fact that she is not only a sponge, but also a parrot. Shame on me and my potty mouth. Shame!
So it's just a matter of time before she pulls out the f-bomb. With my luck, it will probably be at my in-laws house over Christmas.
Monday, December 04, 2006
The last time I met a Marcello was in my early 20's. He was a very cute Italian guy that hung out in a bar my dad was spending a lot of time in (dad was going through a very nasty mid-life thing). Marcello was funny and charismatic and sexy and my dad hated him, so he was perfect. We spent an entire evening at that dive bar talking, much to the chagrin of my father, and he finally asked me out on a date. I agreed to meet him out the next night and we had a wonderful evening...he was really easy to talk to and he was one of those guys who makes you feel like the center of the universe. So when he asked me out again, I was really excited. (My dad called twice to tell me what a tool Marcello was before our second date.)
He picked me up, we went out to dinner and a movie, and then we went back to my place. I went into the kitchen to make us a drink and Marcello hung his coat on a chair in the dining room. We sat down and started talking. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my cat Eddie is playing with something on the floor. I didn't give it a second thought until a total look of panic crossed Marcello's face.
Eddie had pulled a very long strand of condoms out of Marcello's jacket and into the living room, practically throwing them at my feet. I don't know how many were there, but it was at least 15 or 20 condoms. How ridiculous is that?
Of course I almost died from laughter, and while Marcello was laughing, I could tell he was really worried about what my next reaction was going to be. I let him know that it wasn't a big deal, but then after more awkward conversation, I sent him on his way. I mean, geesh, it's one thing to hope you are getting "lucky," and then there are preposterous expectations.
So that is how my cat Eddie saved me from Marcello. (But not the Marcello at Target. He still nailed me for $175. HA!)
Saturday, December 02, 2006
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate...or better yet, a Hot Toddy
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? He WRAPS them! He's Santa, not Scrooge! (Who doesn't wrap their gifts??!)
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I like white, but the hubby held out for colored and I finally caved last year.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No...if I need a kiss, I just ask. Who has time to stand in a doorway until someone notices?
5. When do you put your decorations up? The week after Thanksgiving...a little at a time.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Stuffing. Stuff me with stuffing and I am a happy girl.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Going to my grandparents house. I am an only child, so it was nice to be around all the cousins and other relatives.
8. How and When did you learn the truth about Santa? I can't remember! It must have been very traumatic for me to block it out this way.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? YES!
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With lights and ornaments. (Is this a trick question?) No tinsel...one time I had to pull a piece out of my cat's ass, so that was the end of tinsel in my house.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. But, it has only snowed twice in my 30+ years in Houston, so that is probably why.
12. Can you ice skate? I can stand up and move forward on ice skates, but I have yet to master the Salchow or anything fancy like that.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My hubby bought me a beautiful white convertible one year. That rocked! I was completely surprised.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with the people I care about.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? PUMPKIN PIE
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I have a group of friends that gets together for a "Secret Santa" dinner every year. It's a nice way to celebrate with the "family" you actually got to chose. ;)
17. What tops your tree? An angel.
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? That's kind of personal. :) Ok, I prefer giving. I love buying thoughtful presents and knowing that the recipient really loves it.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Jingle Bells is good...anything upbeat.
20. What is your favorite Christmas story? The Night Before Christmas and Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer...being Rhonda the Redheaded Child, I could totally relate. I was never allowed to play reindeer games either.
I tag elasticwaistbandlady.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Don't worry...I decided to leave it out all winter. I can't evict them.
And look at the gorgeous sunset we had this evening.
Ok, that's enough of Mother Nature. More of my usual silliness tomorrow.
P.S. I told my friend Kim that I was going to post this joke to my blog. She spammed me with it today and it actually made me laugh.
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?"
"Beerboobies," he said.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Today I say "What the F*ck?" to all the rude drivers I have encountered lately. And by rude drivers, I mean the non-wavers. I hate people that don't wave. I have kindly let you out in front of me, even smiling and giving you the little "oh please, go ahead" wave, and then you just get in front of me with absolutely no acknowledgement. This happens to me all the time and I hate these people. In fact, I might just start being one of those jerks who never lets anyone out or in or whatever. The non-wavers have ruined it for everyone.
I would also like to say "What the F*ck?" to the mean old man who flipped me off on Thanksgiving Day for no reason. I gladly accept blame (and the bird) when I do something wrong, but it was completely without cause. I was going 65 in a 60...in the fast lane...and this man was going about 50 in front of me. Before I even got close to him, he changed lanes. As I passed by, he flipped me off and then he rolled down his window and shot me the bird for as long as I could see him in the rear view mirror. Maybe his ex-wife was a redhead or maybe he was an environmentalist who has a thing against SUVs, but did he really have to pull out the bird on Thanksgiving?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
On Sunday, after yet another guy complimented my purse (the concession guy at the movies), I started to wonder, what is going on around here? My husband might be able to point out a designer purse, but only if it was covered in their logo and it was hanging in a store owned by the brand. (Ok, he might be able to point it out on the street, but he has endured some serious schooling by being married to me, the Purse Ho.)
So what is up with the Target checkout guy, and the barista at Starbuck's, and the man behind me at lunch? Are men really this fashion conscious?
Monday, November 27, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
1. Laughter. Things that make me laugh almost every day include my daughter, my friends, The Daily Show, and reading other blogs.
2. My family. They are always entertaining, but this year was definitely "turkey and trama" (a saying I am stealing from Stasa, who stole it from someone else). The highlight was my dad using very inappropriate language in front of our 16-month old. He also asked my crazy aunt Cynthia about the highly sensitive subject of spreading her husband's ashes (he's been dead for 10 years), which started a little not-so-friendly banter. Dad was really on his game! Luckily Winston (our bulldog) didn't pee on my aunt's psycho dog this year...that might have been the final straw.
3. This blog and all the cool people I have met through blogging. It's only been a few months, but I really enjoy this creative outlet. And reading other blogs is much more fun than watching another episode of Friends.
It's been a very thankful week, but I am also thankful that it is over and I can go back to being my more bitchy self tomorrow.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
1. The most important people in my life.
2. Our fur family.
3. This beautiful day, the fabulous meal my husband prepared, our good health, and all the people we care about.
I hope your day was full of all the things that make you thankful.
P.S. I am also very thankful for all the leftover pumpkin pies and the fact that I won't feel guilty for eating every last morsel.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
1. Free stuff! So far this week, I have received a free piggy bank, a free diet coke and a free Starbuck's mocha frap (thank you Kroger card for finally paying off).
2. Beautiful weather. As my friend Stasa said, it's going to be nice living in Houston tomorrow...the weather is perfect!
3. Good friends...here are just a few of them.
This was taken at our tailgating party last Sunday (yes, clearly there had been some drinking before this was taken). I am also thankful that the Texans are at least playing better, even if they are still losing.
What are you thankful for?
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Today I am thankful for:
1. NO BOOK FOR O.J. -- thank you, thank you, thank you! No book, no interview...he can go crawl back under his rock now.
2. TomKat got married. Now my trashy magazines can focus on something more important like Paris Hilton puking onstage in Vegas or what Mathew McConaughey is up to this week.
3. My cousin Doug is safe and will hopefully be returning home from Iraq this January.
What are you thankful for?
Sunday, November 19, 2006
So if I am having another moment here, please let me know. Muchas gracias.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Back story: The hubby and I pride ourselves on feeding our daughter quality, healthy foods. We figure she has plenty of time to eat bad stuff later. So we try to buy organic whenever possible, no juice or soft drinks, lots of fruits and veggies, nothing deep fried, and no crap (such as Lean Cuisines with 14.1 percent chicken)...until this week.
Here are the things my daughter has tasted this week.
1. Mocha Frappuccino (She was screaming and pointing at my cup, so finally I got frustrated and let her take a sip....she didn't like it. Whew.)
2. Sprite (Just one sip...she burped three times)
3. Chocolate chip cookie (The whole thing. She loved it. She licked her fingers and picked the crumbs off her shirt.)
4. Cat food (She got to the bowl before I could catch her. I think she only ate one piece, but she seemed to like it better than the mocha frap.)
So there. I guess I win the Bad Mom of the Week Award. Hooray.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
My car has been giving me BIG headaches lately. A few weeks ago, someone backed into it at Target leaving me with a broken taillight and no note (thanks). $275 and all was well again.
Then one rainy day, it just stops moving forward. One week and $700 later, all was well again. -- P.S. That amount included $150 to fix the wiper on my HEADLIGHT (My reaction...I have wipers on my headlights?!). When I acted all indignant about how ridiculous that little luxury is, I was informed that some people apparently use Land Rovers to go off-roading and get mud on their headlights.
<----Who knew? ;)
Last week, the hubby borrows my car and returns it with a HUGE, unfixable ding in the windshield. (He acted like he didn't know it happened. Uh huh.) And finally, yesterday I notice that a fog light has now been busted out somehow.
WHAT THE F*CK?
Seriously car, please stop it.
So, I have decided that if you are still making car payments, you shouldn't have to pay for anything related to your car. Everything should be covered by your car payment...oil changes, washer fluid, busted lights, new windshields, etc. And when I start Rhonda's Car Finance Company, I promised that is how it will be.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Last night the hubby and I decided to go to a movie. We called the babysitter and she was available. Time to hide some stuff. No, not my jewels or our other riches, but food we hoped to see when we returned home.
The issue with the babysitter (a long-time, single friend of mine who is 6'1", thin and eats like a football team) is that 1.) she tends to gravitate toward very expensive food or things that my hubby has bought as a special treat for one of us and 2.) she eats things in their entirety.
Last month the hubby brought me back a box of dark chocolate from Holland. I assume it was fabulous, because she ate it all in one evening. (She had cleverly taken out the trash, so it was as if the chocolate never even existed!) Another time she ate a POUND of fancy peppered salami that we bought for a little shin-dig we were having the following evening.
I personally find it kind of amusing, but the hubby gets a little irritated, so off I went to hide our beloved treats. The Mini Milanos went under the rice. The Reese's left over from Halloween went behind the tea. Then, the hubby calls out "don't forget to hide the salami." (A game I never thought I would play with the babysitter! )
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The ticket says:
"You are an inconsiderate person. This is not a real ticket, but it should be. Because of your rude and lame attempt at parking you have taken enough room for an army and a circus. You have received this ticket in hopes that you will learn to think of others before parking in the future. You probably change lanes without using a signal too. I hope your engine blows up during rush hour on your birthday!"
I could not have said it better myself. So, if you live in Houston and find one of these on your car, you know where to find me if you would like to discuss your parking issues.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
(I realize I need to hire a real designer, but this will have to do for now.)
I've noticed many people do a "Thursday Thirteen" or "Friday Five," so I've decided to start "What the F*ck?" Wednesday to explore all the things in the world that baffle me. And seeing as how I am often perplexed at people/events/products/commercials/etc., I will probably never run out of material.
So, week one of "What the F*ck?" Wednesday is...
Taco Bell's Fourth Meal
What is Taco Bell thinking? We are still the fattest nation in the world, right? Obesity rates are still rising, correct? So some marketing genius decides that we need to encourage people to eat yet another meal...in the middle of the night...and at Taco Bell? Fried tortillas and cheese and lard and other crap at 3 a.m. Yes, I think that is what we all need.
What the F*ck?
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
When pondering what to write about today, I was considering a real come-to-Jesus sort of post, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, does anyone really care to hear the big scandalous secret about how long it has been since I voted? I didn't think so.
Ok, on to more important matters. ANGRY CHICK. Everyone loves her. Everyone wants to see more of her. Here you go, Angry Chick fans. A little Angry Chick carrying one big-ass pistol.
I bought these two in a gallery in Chicago (it was a crazy weekend). They are officially called "Go Ahead, Make My Day," but I refer to them as Angry Chick and Mean Pussy. HA!
Monday, November 06, 2006
My husband (a.k.a. the Food Nazi) had me convinced that frozen diet dinners are evil, but lately they have been touting "no preservatives," so I've been keeping a few around for those days when I need something fast. I was enjoying a yummy Garlic Chicken pizza when I picked up the box and saw the following.
I guess you don't need preservatives when something is only 14.1% REAL! EEEK!
I will never admit that the Food Nazi was right, but I won't be eating any more Lean Cuisine Garlic Chicken Pizza that's for sure!
Friday, November 03, 2006
Not only is she a legend in journalism, she was a trailblazer for the women's rights movement. When asked about that, she said "I was just one angry woman...part of a mob."
Helen and me!
Here are a few tidbits I wrote down:
- When Fidel Castro was asked the difference between U.S. democracy and his democracy, he said "I don't have to answer questions from Helen Thomas."
- When asked about "leaks," Helen said "leaks are absolutely necessary. I salute all whistler blowers."
- Asked about the best presidents, Helen spoke on the achievements of JFK and LBJ. "That's two Democrats, now let's take two Republicans," the moderator said. "WHY?" she said.
So a BIG shout out to my friend Stasa, who invited me to this fabulous event. As a former high school newspaper editor and journalism major, it was a real honor to meet Helen Thomas. She rocks.
P.S. The moderator made a major faux pas when he mentioned that Helen was a guest on "The Daily Show with Stephen Cobert." EEEK! My poor Jon got dissed.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
I don't know what you would think if you saw me driving by in this, but apparently people here in Houston think this car says "GRRRRRR...I'M MEAN!"
I can drive 55 in the fast lane in this monster and no one gives me the evil sideways look as they pass by. Cars that are 1/4 mile ahead on the road move out of my lane immediately. I was the LAST person to arrive at a four-way stop, and no one wanted to move until I passed through. A pedestrian even apologized for walking in front of me (at a crosswalk, when she had the little "go" hand). I feel so powerful. I am Queen of the Road.
And not only that, but everyone stares at me too. So I feel powerful AND pretty! This is the best car ever. :)
If you don't believe me, you are welcome to come over and take this puppy around the block a few times. Just don't be multi-tasking, because one minute you are dialing your cell phone and then BAM, you've demolished the Toyota in the next lane.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I love trick-or-treaters! I buy all the good candy...and lots of it. And I give everyone big handfuls. I even buy little toys...they get chocolate AND toys when they come here. But tonight was my first unhappy Halloween experience...teenagers have been coming to the door in mobs, NOT EVEN IN COSTUME. What is up with that?
I am giving them all candy, begrudgingly, but I am making them tell me who they are first. HA! Is that mean?
The first group of girls decided they were Destiny's Child. Ummm, ok. The next group was 8 teenage boys...all over 6' tall. They liked the candy, but got very excited that I had Playdoh. What are they going to do with Playdoh? The next group of girls distracted me by telling me how much they like my house...they got two handfuls each. :)
And while most of the little ones have been very sweet, even saying "thank you" (gasp), one little boy had a fit right on my front porch. I gave him FOUR little candy bars and a tub of Playdoh and he screams at me "I WANT MORE." I decided to ignore him (his mom didn't say a word!) and gave the other kids their goodies. When I closed the door he started screaming and crying. YIKES.
Please God let me raise a child who says smiles and says "thank you," even if she gets a 20-year-old stick of licorice.
BT #1 - Remember last week when I was out buying you guys a Banana Republic? Well, 10 minutes after I took those photos my car completely froze. I couldn't get it to move an inch. (Picture me out in the pouring rain pushing my car out of the middle of the street. Fun.) Even though it was pretty annoying, the guy at the dealership went on and on about how unusual it was for that to happen (the front differential was toast...whatever that means), so I felt pretty special and wasn't going to give it a second thought until....
BT #2 - Sunday afternoon. I was chasing Anabella around the house (she's 15 months old, so it was a trot at best) and suddenly I felt a "pop" in my leg. Ever heard of "tennis leg?" Yeah, me either. (Basically it's an injury to my Achilles tendon where it connects to the calf muscle.) I got a big lecture on stretching more before I work out...blah blah blah...and now I have to sit around and wait for it to heal. Hooray.
Still, I'm in a pretty good mood...worse things could happen (and still might). But it's definitely got me wondering what might be next. Afterall, it is Halloween.....BOO!
So what do you think BT#3 will be?
Sunday, October 29, 2006
(But if you want dirt... http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0327062extreme1.html)
And now, here is the list of trashy reality TV that I love. These shows don't make a positive contribution to society in any way, but I don't care. :)
1. The Girls Next Door. Usually stupid people annoy the crap out of me, but Kendra is pure entertainment gold. And Hugh Hefner is still partying like a rock star at 80. Crazy.
2. The Bachelor Rome. I had pretty much given up on The Bachelor, but then the producer was quoted as saying that Lorenzo "wasn't a douchebag prince" in Entertainment Weekly and I was immediately hooked. They have a elitist freak named Erica (daughter of a plastic surgeon here in Houston...hooray, more good publicity for us!) who makes it all worth my hour (her occupation is listed as "socialite"), but now that she is gone, we only have ticking-clock girl, Lisa (she's going to be the psycho this season), who has a three-year plan she hasn't told our dear, sweet bachelor about yet. Can't wait for tomorrow!
3. Hogan Knows Best. I adore Hulk. His parenting style cracks me up (he put a GPS on his daughter's car...without her knowledge of course...so he knew exactly where she was on her first date). They are always doing silly things (once they adopted a monkey), but you can tell they are a real, close-knit, loving family. I also think it's hysterical that they are always showing Hulk in his thong...he's in great shape, especially for his age, but come on!
Happy channel surfing.
P.S. If you are interested in seeing a photo of the cutest little kitty in town, check out my other blog. http://mommystimeout-rhonda.blogspot.com/
Friday, October 27, 2006
I never intended to publish these photos, but we might be responsible for what is apparently Elmo's fast decline into substance abuse.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
But I hate to be a scrooge, so I went ahead and bought you a Banana Republic. Enjoy!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Well tonight she starts getting a little whiny, so I pick her up and she gives me one of her sweet little hugs, then BAM...I am covered in throw up. Nice.
My hubby quickly rushes her into a bath, and as I am de-funking myself, I notice grapes stuck to my shirt. (gross, I know) Then I remember, she hasn't had any grapes in weeks....hmmm, how is that possible?
They were raisins! Isn't that interesting? I guess they rehydrate in the stomach, and TADA...they are grapes again.
Can I get you a snack?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Isn't he awesome? When you push on his ears, a cigarette pops out of his a**!
What's really great about this purchase is that I'm not a smoker, my hubby is not a smoker ...and we have done everything short of sewing lips shut in order to get our parents to quit smoking.
I couldn't help myself!
P.S. That's my angry chick behind him. You can't see it, but she's holding a pistol. Ha!
Compulsive writer has posted some lovely photos from her trip to Finland on her blog....so I was inspired to start posting a photo or two on days when I have nothing interesting to say (I realize that is hard to believe! ha.). I took this in Maui on top of Mt. Haleakala...there is nothing like seeing sunrise at 10,000 ft.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
P.S. Yes, I did "look the other way" and let Frankie dog enjoy his little snack. He even licked the carpet pretty clean.
I am a bad, bad dog-mommy.
Hard to believe this sweet face would like the taste of puke.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Here is our happy bride-to-be, wearing a fabulous paper hat that unfortunately gives away her big secret....
In case you can't read it..."I pee when I laugh."
Other fun antics included Marjorie getting all the truck drivers to honk their horns as we drove by. (Remember how fun that was when you were like, 12?) We also had the cops on the Riverwalk harass a really drunk Carol toward the end of the evening. They wouldn't handcuff her but they did poke her with a nightstick.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Here is something that had me laughing today...the guy who wrote this is a total hoot...make sure you read his idea for a reality TV show. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1004061iggypop1.html
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Isn't that awesome? I haven't enjoyed a made-up word this much since Stephen Cobert coined "truthiness." Of course "Catastrof*ck" is my new favorite word of all time and I will be using it as much as possible. And it shouldn't be too hard to throw into my everyday life. ha!
Monday, October 02, 2006
He stood there for a few seconds and then he said "how are you this morning?"
The girl froze...everything came to a complete stand still...you could almost hear the screeching of brakes. (Because of course the coffee tender can't do anything without an order, and the pastry chick doesn't know what to grab out of the case.) Picture a deer in headlights...times three.
She looked totally blank for a few seconds and then finally said "I'm good. How are you?"
"Great, thanks...it's such a nice day out," he replied. She smiled (this smalltalk was totally killing her...she almost looked like she was in pain). After a brief silence, he gave his order and everything got back to normal.
Then he turned to me (because I was laughing out loud) and said "that ALWAYS makes my day."
Now why didn't I think of that?
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Maybe it was the unexpectedness, or the way you wound up talking about something sort of deep, or really honest, or totally off-the-wall because you were half-asleep and your guard was down, and the drunk ass on the other end was being all sweet and complimentary.
I don't get those anymore. However I did get a 7:00 a.m. call from my friend Darla a few weeks back. She called (and woke me up) to tell me she didn't want me calling later and waking HER up because she hadn't gone to bed yet. But, that was just annoying, so it doesn't count.
Monday, September 18, 2006
So, the GOOD news is that all of this self-created drama has given me an idea for a book...sort of a survival guide for women my age who are jumping into this crazy thing called motherhood.
My title would be something like "It Totally Sucks for a While...and all the other things no one tells you. The 30-something woman's guide to being a first-time mother."
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Well, they called this past week...how crazy is that? It sent me into a real tailspin...first, I was pretty excited...then, it was total panic. Could I actually get up on TV, in front of millions and millions of people, and say that being a mom is BORING? I know that it can be, and I know lots of women feel the same way, but could I really be the a*hole that stands up and says it? (I already have a hard enough time fitting in at the MOMs Club!) :)
But, I wouldn't mind tickets to the show....
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
On Friday night we were at The Tavern on Rush. We were both REALLY shitty and on the way out the door, when Kelly notices this hot guy sitting in the corner smoking a cigar (fyi...Kelly is single). After she refused to go say hello, I decided to do it for her. So, I let myself around the ropes (oops, it was the VIP section...totally lost on my drunkenness) and sat down at this guy's table. He seemed pretty amused, introduced himself as Scott and we chatted for a few minutes. The entire time I am thinking "this guy looks so familiar," but of course could never figure out why. Kelly came over for a few minutes and then the manager spotted us and promptly kicked us out of VIP (how DARE he!). The next morning, I wake up and the first thing that comes to my mind is SCOTT PODSEDNIK. HOLY CRAP! Yes, his team totally SPANKED my team last year in the World Series and I couldn't even pull that out of the recesses of my mind. Geesh...a totally blown opportunity to rag on a Chicago White Sock. But, now I can brag that I hung out with Scott Podsednik.
Ok, night two, we head to the Red Head Piano Bar. It wasn't exactly the same kind of scene, but we stayed anyway. We squeeze into the bar next to two guys who say they are from Serbia. (First they asked if we were from Serbia...ha. Yes, I am sure we looked very Serbian to the unknowing eye...me with my red hair and Kelly the blonde...looking nothing alike, and also not looking particularly European or Slavic or whatever.) We chat a little, they buy us a few drinks...all very harmless. Well, once the married guy has several cocktails, his story goes from how wonderful his wife and children are to oh-whoa-is-me. It was basically the married man come-on...he married young, he isn't dead, blah blah blah. However, his closer was a one-of-a-kind...and I SWEAR on everything I love and own that this man said this to us. You might want to sit down....
"Sometimes you just want to put your thing someplace warm."