Back in the Saddle

Gee, I am such a slacker. Hard to believe it's been so long since I posted. But if it makes it any better, I promise I wasn't doing anything fun.

We got home from Michigan late last Wednesday night, and about 10 miles from home my car broke down. So after dealing with car stuff on Thursday, I had to get ready for a little party I was throwing on Saturday. Now, I am in full gear trying to put together a birthday party for my daughter. So much for my life of luxury.

There is lots to talk about...Paris is out of jail, Nancy Grace is pregnant, Ann Coulter is the devil...but I thought I would entertain you with a little silliness from the Michigan trip first.

Did you know you can buy "bling" out of a candy vending machine these days? For only 25 cents too. Can I interest you in a cute little anchor or perhaps a giant eagle, ladies?

Do you like bacon? Then check out Tony's Restaurant. It's a "greasy spoon" on a highway in Birch Run, Michigan, and they love to load you up on bacon. This lady looked like she wanted to die from embarrassment when her club sandwich came out. (I'm sure it didn't help that I asked to take a photo of her and the monster sandwich.) And look at the other lady's plate...I think there is an egg under that bacon somewhere.

I like to call this picture "Baby Got Back." We ran out of swimmer diapers one day, and let my daughter play in a real diaper. As you can see, she came out of the pool with quite a load. That diaper weighed at least 10 pounds.

This is more bothersome than silly. Please explain to me how this fly got in there in the first place? Isn't that supposed to be some sort of air tight seal between the panes of glass???

And here is where I spent 3 solid days in Michigan. My little piece of heaven.

Gifts and Grievances (like Turkey and trauma but with presents!)

Christmas is over. Whew. We just returned from 8 days in Florida. That might sound fabulous (and in reality, it wasn't all bad), but we stayed at my in-laws house...a two bedroom home that is not baby-proofed in any form or fashion. So, I spent 8 days sleeping on a FUTON in the "lanai" (which by the way, has no curtains on the windows) and chasing my daughter around making sure she wasn't eating dishwashing soap or sticking her fingers in sockets. (And their internet connection is DIAL-UP! EEK!)

Otherwise, it was a nice time. My favorite sister-in-law was there, so we drank lots of wine and read plenty of trashy magazines. I wasn't forced to make my own gifts this year. And we ate really decadent meals all week long (I was actually SICK of food and sweets by the time I got home), so I guess all in all it was a pretty good holiday.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part (in regards to blogging!)...my in-laws live in a retirement community and all I can say is that it is a site to behold. So stay tuned for my YARD TCHOTCHKE PARADE...coming in the next day or two. Them old people love cheesy lawn decor.

Happy New Year!

Start Spreading the News...

I am leaving in 7 days. That's right...look out New York City!

I haven't been in 6 or 7 years, so I am looking for suggestions. My friend KB and I will only be there for a weekend, but we are staying at the Waldorf-Astoria (woohoo) and are game for just about anything. (But preferably things that have to do with food, shopping or culture.)

It's not often that I am hubby AND child-free, so I want to pack this trip with lots of things that can't be done with a small child in-tow (such as eating at a bar or using a public restroom).

Speaking of...check this out. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-11-21-charmin_x.htm (I promise to go and take a photo of this!)

Please post any ideas you might have!

Throwing Paper is Still Fun

The bachlorette party was great. We wound up at Dick's Last Resort for the last half of the evening and I have to admit that I had a lot of fun throwing paper at other patrons and being rude to the cute waiter.

Here is our happy bride-to-be, wearing a fabulous paper hat that unfortunately gives away her big secret....













In case you can't read it..."I pee when I laugh."

Other fun antics included Marjorie getting all the truck drivers to honk their horns as we drove by. (Remember how fun that was when you were like, 12?) We also had the cops on the Riverwalk harass a really drunk Carol toward the end of the evening. They wouldn't handcuff her but they did poke her with a nightstick.

Chicago rocks

Kelly and I just spent a weekend tearing up Chicago...staying out until 3 a.m., eating, shopping, more partying. Chi-town rocks, especially when you are a new mom out and about for the first time without a baby in tow! The weekend produced two pretty funny stories for the books...I'll try to give you the Cliff's Notes version.

On Friday night we were at The Tavern on Rush. We were both REALLY shitty and on the way out the door, when Kelly notices this hot guy sitting in the corner smoking a cigar (fyi...Kelly is single). After she refused to go say hello, I decided to do it for her. So, I let myself around the ropes (oops, it was the VIP section...totally lost on my drunkenness) and sat down at this guy's table. He seemed pretty amused, introduced himself as Scott and we chatted for a few minutes. The entire time I am thinking "this guy looks so familiar," but of course could never figure out why. Kelly came over for a few minutes and then the manager spotted us and promptly kicked us out of VIP (how DARE he!). The next morning, I wake up and the first thing that comes to my mind is SCOTT PODSEDNIK. HOLY CRAP! Yes, his team totally SPANKED my team last year in the World Series and I couldn't even pull that out of the recesses of my mind. Geesh...a totally blown opportunity to rag on a Chicago White Sock. But, now I can brag that I hung out with Scott Podsednik.

Ok, night two, we head to the Red Head Piano Bar. It wasn't exactly the same kind of scene, but we stayed anyway. We squeeze into the bar next to two guys who say they are from Serbia. (First they asked if we were from Serbia...ha. Yes, I am sure we looked very Serbian to the unknowing eye...me with my red hair and Kelly the blonde...looking nothing alike, and also not looking particularly European or Slavic or whatever.) We chat a little, they buy us a few drinks...all very harmless. Well, once the married guy has several cocktails, his story goes from how wonderful his wife and children are to oh-whoa-is-me. It was basically the married man come-on...he married young, he isn't dead, blah blah blah. However, his closer was a one-of-a-kind...and I SWEAR on everything I love and own that this man said this to us. You might want to sit down....

"Sometimes you just want to put your thing someplace warm."