"What the f*ck?" Wednesday

I had a great "WTF? Wednesday" ready to go ... about our nanny and her wacky mom ... but then I got a call from my BFF from high school, Halle, from Texas Children's Hospital. And now, her one-year-old daughter is in surgery, having a "foreign object" removed from her lungs. So I am sitting here, waiting for the call that she is okay and in recovery.

My friend Kathy mentioned that something similar had happened to her as a baby ... she was on a counter and grabbed a whole peanut, which she then proceeded to choke on. I had no idea something you swallowed could end up in your lungs? And once we started talking about it, Kathy and I decided it's really a miracle she's here with us at all. Why was she on a counter as a baby? (we made up a little scenario where her mom left her on the counter so she could step out on the patio for a scotch and a cig. ha!)

So please say a little prayer for baby Blair. Did I mention that it is Halle's wedding anniversary too? WTF, Universe? That's pretty crappy.

And to end on a happy note. WTF is this all about? If I want something to taste like bacon, I'll put some bacon in it. I don't want bacon-flavored anything ... that should only be done to dog food.

That being said, Dan bought this and we had it on some hamburgers. It was good, but it was no bacon.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my fabulous husband Dan! We celebrated with a trip to Max's Wine Dive last night with a few close friends. (Because nothing says "it's your day" like hamburgers and wine.) Today, he gets to sleep in, which is probably the best gift you can give around here. I love you, baby!

It's also the birthday of Halle, my best friend from high school. Happy birthday, Hal! Sushi this week ... on me!

It's been a crazy weekend ... going-away parties (I'll miss you, Kara!), kid birthday parties (happy 3rd, Cole!), Dan's birthday and now, the Oscars. I have a few friends coming over to watch. And, of course, the highly coveted Golden Biatch will be bestowed upon some lucky girl for the next year. Personally, I'm excited to see Hugh Jackman as host. Could he be any hotter?

-- The B.S. Cafe is now serving birthday cake.

A warning to future 40 year olds

Just an FYI - Black icing does the following to teeth, tongues, fingers, etc.



Who knew black icing was so menacing?
Being the person responsible for bringing this cake, I wish I could say I felt bad, but I didn't. It was f*cking hysterical to see everyone smile with stained black teeth. Kim even had black icing stains on her fingers (from doling out cake) and her arm (not sure how that happened). She looked like she had been fingerprinted earlier in the day!

All those fire extinguisher jokes are actually true
I am also not sorry for putting 40 candles on the cake, instead of just a nice "4" and a "0." It was quite a blaze! (Seriously. I burned myself several times trying to light all those damn candles.)

So, KB is probably just counting the days until my 40th birthday, when I am sure she will "return the favor."




-- The B.S. Cafe is now serving chocolate cake with toxic black icing. But heck, we're all old so does it really matter anymore?

Happy Birthday, KB!

My good friend KB turned the big 4-0 last week and we celebrated last night with lots of cocktails, dancing and general tomfoolery. I really don't go "out out" very often (because dealing with two toddlers while nursing a hangover is like going to a rock concert with a migraine), but after a few glasses of wine and two double Grey Goose and cranberries, 25-year-old Rhonda showed up ... dancing and ordering shots.

And I almost pulled off the whole "38 is the new 25 thing", but here is how I know that a.) I cannot party like a 20 year old, and b.) I was way over served last night.

1. I convinced my husband to stop at Jack in the Box at 1:30 a.m. where I proceeded to order a very large hamburger and an egg roll.
2. My bar tab - $160
3. First thought this morning ... "I hope no one publishes any of those photos to Facebook/Blogger/MySpace" (And immediately sent text messages to every one with a camera).
4. Drove to Sonic at 9:00 a.m. to order a Coke for breakfast
5. Took my first shot of Jagermeister in well over 15 years
6. The faint memory of dancing to the Flo Rida song "Low," and slapping my own ass in a public place.

-- The B.S. Cafe is now serving shots of "Act your age."