Thursday, March 29, 2007

Technology sucks

If you are wondering where I am, well, I am still here...I'm just "technology free" this week. My computer bit the dust over the weekend and is hopefully being fixed as we speak. Why can't they make the damn things more reliable? And why does it feel like I have lost a limb when my computer is gone?

So, I am just reading books, watching lots of bad TV, and doing some spring cleaning (my fridge looks fab). Hopefully I will be back to my unproductive, online self very soon.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Richard Simmons loves his steamer

This video is hysterical... I love Richard's "David" shirt.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

"What the F*ck" Wednesday? -- Killer food

Toxic green onions, lettuce, spinach, peanut butter....and now dog and cat food. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I am starting to wonder what's going on. Seriously, WTF is going on? Is anyone else thinking that nothing is safe anymore? I guess the upside is that I haven't thought about terrorists in a long time.

Anyway, this whole pet food fiasco is really alarming to me. My most beloved pet Eddie has been going through kidney failure for the last 3 weeks. His food wasn't listed on the recall list, but it sure is a weird coincidence. And it's probably lucky for those people, because after $1,200 and forcing his to bear daily IV fluids, pills, etc., I would be suing the f*ck out of them. And the really irritating part is that a similar thing happened in May of last year. I can't believe more care isn't taken in the preparation of food for people and animals.

Ok, on a lighter note. WTF is up with Phil Spector and his hair? He's pleading "not guilty" right? Because this hairdo screams "I am crazy guilty!"

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

There's nothing wrong with being gay...

...I just found this to be amusing. Mainly because there was a large stack of them in the entryway of a Mexican food restaurant not located in the gay area of Houston, which made me think that the distributors were at a loss as to what to do with them. It's not like you list your sexual preferences on your rental agreement or home loan paperwork.

And why exactly do they need a gay yellow pages? There isn't anything unusual in it (for the most part). Apparently homosexuals use all the same services as the, lawyers, doctors, plumbers, gardeners, etc. The only main differences are that our WNBA basketball team is on the front, rather than the Rockets (are they implying those ladies are gay?), and there are listings for gay festivals and associations in the back.


Saturday, March 17, 2007

Happy St. Patty's Day

Today is my husband's favorite holiday, which means I will be chauffeuring him to a St. Patrick's Day party so he can get trashed. He used to start at 7:00 a.m., but as we have gotten older, the people willing to get up that early to start drinking has diminished significantly. So, wish Dan good luck in his yearly goal of drinking everyone else under the table. And send good thoughts out to me...sometimes I find myself wanting to strangle all the drunks when I am the designated driver...including my own husband.

Have a great St. Patty's Day! Drink some green beer and watch the NCAA tournament. (Thank you, St. Patrick for letting Ohio State pull it out of their asses...otherwise my grid would have been totally fried!)

Here's a kiss for all you Irish out there.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

WTFness Everywhere!

So much WTF going on today...I'm having a hard time deciding where to start.

First, WTF Chiquita? You didn't tell me that my banana money was going to terrorists. I guess we are going to go apples and oranges around here for awhile.

Second, WTF WTF WTF U.S. Postal Service. Notice the postmark on this piece of mail, which I received TODAY. Feel free to take 2 months to deliver the numerous unwanted catalogs I receive every week, but please get the checks here at little sooner, A-holes. What is even more ridiculous is that this envelope was mailed from 20 miles away. And you guys want another rate hike? SHAH!

Next, there are the idiots who mailed body parts all over the U.S. How would you like to open a box that contains a head in bubble wrap? WTF? How do you manage to screw up that big?

Then there is Virgie Arthur. The loving, so desperate to have her daughter buried near her. So what does she do at Anna Nicole's funeral? Walks on her grave. I am no expert, but I am pretty sure that is wicked disrespectful. WTF Virgie? That behavior makes you seem just a little insincere.

Finally, Al Gore. I'm so confused, Al. The NY Times claims that you have greatly exaggerated your claims in An Inconvenient Truth. First I find out you didn't invent the Internet, and now this? WTF Al?

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

It's Rodeo Time, Y'all

Thought all you non-Texans might like a little taste of what I like to call the "ROW-DEH-OOOOO." (Or Rodeo, to those Texans who take it seriously) In case you didn't know, Houston has the largest Row-deh-oooo in the world...and it lasts almost a month, which makes getting around on my side of town quite hellish. Enjoy.

These 6' tall boots are all around the rodeo complex, painted in different themes.

This is my daughter in a petting zoo, checking out a very large, and totally indifferent, pig.

The pig races. Need I say more?

At the "show" in Reliant Stadium.

Ok, this isn't at the rodeo (it's at my favorite BBQ joint), but it's too Texas-y not to include.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

"What the F*ck" Wednesday? -- Nancy Grace...Satan's Spawn?

I guess you can probably tell from the title that I cannot stand Nancy Grace. Not since Kathy Lee Gifford have I found myself despising a TV personality this way. She is a self indulgent, judgmental egomaniac. But I am sure she is really nice in person.

Every time I cruise by CNN and see her on, I stop to see what stupid comments are coming out of her mouth. She is another one of those wanna-be-hard-hitting journalists who takes speculation or rumors, and presents them as facts...until she finds out otherwise, then she is outraged and wants to know who spreads these horrible lies. She also gives airtime to just about any yahoo, which drives me absolutely crazy.

So, WTF CNN? Aren't Larry King and Glenn Beck enough crazy for one network? At least those two are entertaining, and I don't cringe or throw-up a little when I hear their voices.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Now this is a made-up holiday that I can support.

I say we all sleep as much as possible this week. Screw work, cleaning the house or doing anything productive. It's sleep week, people! Woohoo!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Ruining my weekend bliss

Please go take a look at my profile and tell me how my age became TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY?!!!! That is not even funny, Blogger.

I intend to change it, but I just wanted to give you all a chance to see it and be outraged first.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Oh Happy Saturday

I was exceptionally happy today and here is why...

1. ) Anna Nicole Smith is finally buried. I know it won't be the end of all the media craziness, but it's nice that she has finally had a funeral. Who knows what really went on between her and her mother, but personally I find her mom to be selfish and kind of crazy. If you buy yourself a grave plot, it's pretty clear that is where you want to be buried. And what kind of mother would leave her child in a morgue for three weeks while she fights to bury Anna Nicole someplace she didn't even want to live? I love Texas, but Mexia is a shit hole, and I certainly wouldn't want to be buried there. Heck, I would take the Bahamas as my final resting place over Texas any day of the week.

2.) My self-cleaning oven...what an incredible invention! I guess it gets as hot as a crematorium in that thing, because it was covered in goo and crusted stuff....then voila! Just a few ashy stains remained, which I wiped off with a paper towel, and it looked brand new. I am in total amazement. Oh how happy it makes me when I don't have to clean something myself.

3.) Spring in Texas. Today was frickin' gorgeous! A nice wind, clear skies and 70 degrees. I sat outside and watched the ducks on the lake, read a book, and got a little sun. We only have about 10 days a year when you can actually sit outside for more than 15 minutes, so it was a day to be treasured.

Clearly, I am very easy to please.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Oscar Extravaganza

Last Sunday was my 5th annual Oscar Extravaganza. I rolled out the red carpet for 12 of my fabulous friends, who came over for food, wine, swag bags, and the opportunity to win the coveted Golden Biatch Award.

I love the Oscars. It's fun to try to see as many of the movies as possible (although it didn't help me pick the winners) beforehand, but my favorite part is the acceptance speeches...or, the GOOD acceptance speeches. (Forest Whitaker did a great job, but he was the only standout this year.)

Having Ellen D. as the host was an added bonus. She was so funny! And thank goodness, because otherwise this year's show was sooooooo long, and kind of boring. Anyway, here's a few photos, including the GB in her new home (until next year).

The girls walking the red carpet...

Party shots

I know it's hard to believe, but I made her myself. She got a dress this year, and those are empty wine bottles around her feet. Looks like Bunny found an appropriate place for her...on a throne.