Not that long ago, my babysitter (the salami eater) asked me how many times my daughter had pooped in the tub. "Never!" I said with much disgust. "Well, it happens all the time," she informed me. (She does this a lot...tells me all the things that my kid is going to do, even though she doesn't have any.) My daughter had just passed her one-year birthday, so I just rolled my eyes, and went about my business.
Now I am not saying for sure that she put a Poop Curse on me, but let's just say we have had several incidents of pooping in the bathtub since that night. And tonight was by far, the top pooping story of my short-lived career as a mommy.
I undressed my daughter, put her in the tub, and turned on the water. Not 30 seconds later, she poops. Ok, no big deal. It is contained to a very small area, so I grab her out, and put her on the mat next to me.
As I am feverishly saving toys from floating into the disaster area, she squats, and poops on the bath mat. WHA?? CRAP! So, I grab her, wipe her little butt with a baby wipe, and then head over to snatch up the mat before she gets any crazy baby ideas.
I of course do not notice that she is heading in a completely opposite direction....into my closet. Before I can even get there, she has squatted yet again, and pooped on the carpet in my closet. And then she takes about three steps, and poops again.
Surprisingly, I did not cry. I didn't laugh, but I didn't have a meltdown. I calmly called my hubby into the bathroom to pick up poop piles while I hosed my little angel off in the shower.
So, there are two morals to this story: 1.) parenting know-it-alls are secretly working voodoo on the rest of us, and 2.) Do not ever assume that the pooping is done. There is ALWAYS more poop.
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9 comments:
I love that your response to more pooping is, "CRAP!"
I want that on my bumper sticker, "There is always more poop!"
I'm afraid to comment about this, for fear of becoming cursed myself. My kid has only pooped in unexpected places twice, but potty training is right around the corner...
you might want to show your daughter that squatting tchotchkie dog with the word "NO!" on it from last week's parade... it might help, is all i'm saying.
Sounds like a typical case of Poop Curse to me.
Omar is right, you do NOT talk about the Poop Curse, lest you become cursed yourself, thankfully I'm immune to it since both my kids are teens.
And I agree with Becky, show her the “No” dog...But then again, perhaps your daughter should stop reading your blog, the allure of the fame and glory that comes with being the object of a post is HUGE, people have been known to do crazy things just to be blogged about.
Just my 2¢
That is a hilarious post!! I had a few poop incidents with my son, but I've been pretty luck so far with my little girl. SHe has had some explosions, but not all over the house, not yet... Just writing this, I am hoping that I don't bring the curse on myself.
Oh my got, this is my greatest fear. Seriously.
"There is always more poop" Oh my, yes, yes there is... And who knew about the secret voodoo of the knowitalls? Oh yeah , I mean besides the knowitalls...
No Cool Story:
Beware. I teach teenagers, and I've had an unexpected poop incident or two with them.
My Mom tells me that I did that as a child. She also informs me that she came back into the bathroom prepared to clean and I lined up the turds on the rim of the tub like some little Poop Submarine Parade!
I banned toys from the tub just for this reason with my own kids. Diarrhea is what you wanna aim for in these situations. As Mary Poopins sang, "It goes down....in the most delightful way!"
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