Nightmare on My Street

Halloween Night Update...
I love trick-or-treaters! I buy all the good candy...and lots of it. And I give everyone big handfuls. I even buy little toys...they get chocolate AND toys when they come here. But tonight was my first unhappy Halloween experience...teenagers have been coming to the door in mobs, NOT EVEN IN COSTUME. What is up with that?

I am giving them all candy, begrudgingly, but I am making them tell me who they are first. HA! Is that mean?

The first group of girls decided they were Destiny's Child. Ummm, ok. The next group was 8 teenage boys...all over 6' tall. They liked the candy, but got very excited that I had Playdoh. What are they going to do with Playdoh? The next group of girls distracted me by telling me how much they like my house...they got two handfuls each. :)

And while most of the little ones have been very sweet, even saying "thank you" (gasp), one little boy had a fit right on my front porch. I gave him FOUR little candy bars and a tub of Playdoh and he screams at me "I WANT MORE." I decided to ignore him (his mom didn't say a word!) and gave the other kids their goodies. When I closed the door he started screaming and crying. YIKES.

Please God let me raise a child who says smiles and says "thank you," even if she gets a 20-year-old stick of licorice.

Do bad things come in 3's?

If so, then I guess I'm just waiting for that last thing to drop.

BT #1 - Remember last week when I was out buying you guys a Banana Republic? Well, 10 minutes after I took those photos my car completely froze. I couldn't get it to move an inch. (Picture me out in the pouring rain pushing my car out of the middle of the street. Fun.) Even though it was pretty annoying, the guy at the dealership went on and on about how unusual it was for that to happen (the front differential was toast...whatever that means), so I felt pretty special and wasn't going to give it a second thought until....

BT #2 - Sunday afternoon. I was chasing Anabella around the house (she's 15 months old, so it was a trot at best) and suddenly I felt a "pop" in my leg. Ever heard of "tennis leg?" Yeah, me either. (Basically it's an injury to my Achilles tendon where it connects to the calf muscle.) I got a big lecture on stretching more before I work out...blah blah blah...and now I have to sit around and wait for it to heal. Hooray.

Still, I'm in a pretty good mood...worse things could happen (and still might). But it's definitely got me wondering what might be next. Afterall, it is Halloween.....BOO!

So what do you think BT#3 will be?

They get me EVERY time

Once again I found myself crying during Extreme Makeover Home Edition. (Tonight featured a family in Iowa...they lost their home to fire, then their dog ran away, etc. Of course they built the family a lovely new house, refurbished their barn, and bought them cattle to start up the farm again.) It's always so touching, but I think parenthood has definitely "gotten" to me. I am a total puss now. Crying? Geesh. So the point is...while I know it is all about ratings, it is still nice to see a reality TV show actually doing something worthwhile.
(But if you want dirt... http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0327062extreme1.html)

And now, here is the list of trashy reality TV that I love. These shows don't make a positive contribution to society in any way, but I don't care. :)

1. The Girls Next Door. Usually stupid people annoy the crap out of me, but Kendra is pure entertainment gold. And Hugh Hefner is still partying like a rock star at 80. Crazy.

2. The Bachelor Rome. I had pretty much given up on The Bachelor, but then the producer was quoted as saying that Lorenzo "wasn't a douchebag prince" in Entertainment Weekly and I was immediately hooked. They have a elitist freak named Erica (daughter of a plastic surgeon here in Houston...hooray, more good publicity for us!) who makes it all worth my hour (her occupation is listed as "socialite"), but now that she is gone, we only have ticking-clock girl, Lisa (she's going to be the psycho this season), who has a three-year plan she hasn't told our dear, sweet bachelor about yet. Can't wait for tomorrow!

3. Hogan Knows Best. I adore Hulk. His parenting style cracks me up (he put a GPS on his daughter's car...without her knowledge of course...so he knew exactly where she was on her first date). They are always doing silly things (once they adopted a monkey), but you can tell they are a real, close-knit, loving family. I also think it's hysterical that they are always showing Hulk in his thong...he's in great shape, especially for his age, but come on!

Happy channel surfing.

P.S. If you are interested in seeing a photo of the cutest little kitty in town, check out my other blog. http://mommystimeout-rhonda.blogspot.com/

Elmo hits bottom

A few months back, my friends Kristy and Anne came over for a girls night. The pomegranate martinis were flowing, and sweet little "Knows Your Name Elmo" looked a little stressed. So, we offered him a cocktail. I know, he's underage, but whatever...he wasn't driving and it seemed pretty harmless. Well, you can clearly see that Elmo can not hold his liquor. He didn't even climb off the table until noon the next day.











I never intended to publish these photos, but we might be responsible for what is apparently Elmo's fast decline into substance abuse.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1026061elmo1.html

Merry Halloween

While you are all getting ready for Halloween, here in Houston it's time for Christmas. (Sorry this photo is crap, but it was taken from inside my moving car, in the rain, with my Treo phone...so it's pretty good considering.) Yes, that is a pretty bow archway, flanked by two Christmas trees and a couple of wreaths. It's OCTOBER 26th. Ridiculous.















But I hate to be a scrooge, so I went ahead and bought you a Banana Republic. Enjoy!

Pukefest 2006 continues

My poor little baby has been the host to some nasty stomach virus for several days now, which has resulted in LOTS of puke in my life (see October 19 post...when the puke is gone, I promise to quit talking about it.) The last time she threw up was on Sunday, so we put her back on her normal diet and all seemed well.

Well tonight she starts getting a little whiny, so I pick her up and she gives me one of her sweet little hugs, then BAM...I am covered in throw up. Nice.

My hubby quickly rushes her into a bath, and as I am de-funking myself, I notice grapes stuck to my shirt. (gross, I know) Then I remember, she hasn't had any grapes in weeks....hmmm, how is that possible?

They were raisins! Isn't that interesting? I guess they rehydrate in the stomach, and TADA...they are grapes again.

Can I get you a snack?

Ridiculously fabulous purchase of the month

Isn't he awesome? When you push on his ears, a cigarette pops out of his a**!

What's really great about this purchase is that I'm not a smoker, my hubby is not a smoker ...and we have done everything short of sewing lips shut in order to get our parents to quit smoking.

I couldn't help myself!

P.S. That's my angry chick behind him. You can't see it, but she's holding a pistol. Ha!

Ode to Compulsive Writer

Compulsive writer has posted some lovely photos from her trip to Finland on her blog....so I was inspired to start posting a photo or two on days when I have nothing interesting to say (I realize that is hard to believe! ha.). I took this in Maui on top of Mt. Haleakala...there is nothing like seeing sunrise at 10,000 ft.

Is it wrong to...

...let my dog eat baby puke? I know this is gross, but I need to get a consensus. First, let me say that it wasn't really puke in the true sense of the word. It was more like regurgitated food. :) Everything was still as it had been on the plate, and quite frankly I was more interested in cleaning up the baby...and me. So my hubby said "who cares? he's a dog...he's eaten a lot worse." And while I know that to be true, it still felt wrong. I've kept him from eating disgusting things whenever possible...I broke him from licking Winston's a**hole (our English bulldog)...so now I'm going to let him do as he pleases just to help me out with a little mess?

P.S. Yes, I did "look the other way" and let Frankie dog enjoy his little snack. He even licked the carpet pretty clean.

I am a bad, bad dog-mommy.





Hard to believe this sweet face would like the taste of puke.

Setting us back 30+ years

But still pretty funny.

Throwing Paper is Still Fun

The bachlorette party was great. We wound up at Dick's Last Resort for the last half of the evening and I have to admit that I had a lot of fun throwing paper at other patrons and being rude to the cute waiter.

Here is our happy bride-to-be, wearing a fabulous paper hat that unfortunately gives away her big secret....













In case you can't read it..."I pee when I laugh."

Other fun antics included Marjorie getting all the truck drivers to honk their horns as we drove by. (Remember how fun that was when you were like, 12?) We also had the cops on the Riverwalk harass a really drunk Carol toward the end of the evening. They wouldn't handcuff her but they did poke her with a nightstick.

More partying for Mommy!

My friend Carol is getting married and we are heading to San Antonio tomorrow for a bachlorette party on the Riverwalk. Should be fun...hopefully S.A. will produce some stories as good as the Chicago trip (see "Chicago Rocks" post).

Here is something that had me laughing today...the guy who wrote this is a total hoot...make sure you read his idea for a reality TV show. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1004061iggypop1.html

Jon Stewart does it again

Yes, I have a little thing for Jon Stewart. His sense of humor is so on the money that I just can't stand it sometimes. Earlier this week, he was discussing the Mark Foley fiasco, which somehow led into a short discussion on Iraq. He asked "what do you get when you cross a Hellhole with a Cataclysm?"

A CATASTROF*CK.

Isn't that awesome? I haven't enjoyed a made-up word this much since Stephen Cobert coined "truthiness." Of course "Catastrof*ck" is my new favorite word of all time and I will be using it as much as possible. And it shouldn't be too hard to throw into my everyday life. ha!

Fun at Starbuck's

I was in Starbuck's recently (shocking I know) and there was a huge line. Everyone behind the counter was rushing around...it was total chaos. When the man in front of me got to the head of the line, the counterperson asked the usual "what can I start for you today?"

He stood there for a few seconds and then he said "how are you this morning?"

The girl froze...everything came to a complete stand still...you could almost hear the screeching of brakes. (Because of course the coffee tender can't do anything without an order, and the pastry chick doesn't know what to grab out of the case.) Picture a deer in headlights...times three.

She looked totally blank for a few seconds and then finally said "I'm good. How are you?"

"Great, thanks...it's such a nice day out," he replied. She smiled (this smalltalk was totally killing her...she almost looked like she was in pain). After a brief silence, he gave his order and everything got back to normal.

Then he turned to me (because I was laughing out loud) and said "that ALWAYS makes my day."

Now why didn't I think of that?