I've been cheating on you, Blogger.

A lot has changed for me at work recently, including the addition of social media into my job function. Of course, I am totally psyched about that, but it also means I have been spending lots of my free time doing stuff besides blogging. Reading up on social media, taking webinars, going to conferences, tweeting, visiting fan pages, etc. Last month I attended a conference at the Houston Zoo and sat next to the guy who created this at lunch:


Remember this quiz we all took back in August? Matthew Inman, the man behind the awesomeness, gave me the back story. Apparently, he created the quiz for a client that sold sex toys. When the client saw the quiz, they thought it was "inappropriate." LOL! Ummm, okay. Anyway, he was a really interesting guy ... smart and YOUNG, so I was inspired. Too bad I can't draw or code ... I would totally rock at creating quizzes.

So here is our latest time waster ... picked especially for Kim, since she enjoys talking about balls.

Clearly I won't be picking a fight with a bear any time in the immediate future.

Created by Oatmeal

Pumpkin Chunken' Festival

Yes, another fun activity we participated in last weekend -- the Pumpkin Chunken' Festival (www.comehurl.org). The event centers around a huge catapult (I was told it took days to build) that is used to destroy pumpkins. What could be more fun than smashing pumpkins?

They had a little carnival for the kids, but whenever a pumpkin was about to be launched, everyone stopped what they were doing to watch. It was surprising how far those pumpkins would go (a few hundred yards?) and how they all had a different angle/path/level of destruction at the end. I was over it in about an hour, but I think most of the men could have stayed out there all day.

Men, destruction -- you know the deal.

So did anyone notice that the creator of Wow Wow Wubbzy left a comment on last night's post? I have to say that was more exciting than when Dooce tweeted me. And in Anabella's world, that is right up there with a phone call from the Pope or George Clooney asking me out (Call me, George!).

So, thanks again, Bob Boyle. You made our morning -- and we bought the new Wubb Idol DVD at Target in your honor!

P.S. Day three of NaBloPoMo. Whew. Only 27 more to go.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I am hoping at least a few of you remember Ren and Stimpy. I have officially put on my happy helmet and am determined that this is going to be a fabulous week. Because last week was total crap and I cannot handle a repeat. A good friend found out she has breast cancer. Dan's dad found out his cancer has returned. And lots of other stupid trivial things happened.

The most entertaining stupid trivial thing included me, my white pants and a mocha frappuccino. I was coming back to the office after a quick trip to Starbucks. I got out of my car and walked around toward the back, when the frappuccino slipped out of my hands, hit the concrete and SPLAT ... all over the right leg of my white pants.

Me (in a very loud voice): "JESUS! F*CK!"

A voice from the distance: "Rhonda?"

Me (panicking in my head): "CRAP! You just took the Lord's name in vein AND dropped an F-bomb in the parking garage."

From around a car, comes my coworker Vanessa. WHEW.

Vanessa: "I knew I recognized that voice. Are you okay?" Looks down at my pants and begins to laugh. "Oh my."

She was nice enough to walk with me through the sky walks (pretending like no big deal), and even let me hide behind her on the elevator. Thirty minutes and one entire Tide pen later, my pant leg was completely soaked, but the frappuccino was mostly gone.

The moral of the story ... invest in Tide pens. Oh, and don't cuss and act like a raging maniac in the parking garage at work.

The following portion of this blog is rated "R"

So, I took this test last week (and was so tickled by the questions that I could not stop laughing ... it was as close to being completely hysterical as I have ever come ... I am pretty sure my coworkers wanted to slap me), but feel I should go ahead and post my results ... just in case anyone wants to mess with me and/or ruin the fabulous week ahead.

Created by The Oatmeal

Bee Gees, fuzzy boots and Pabst Blue Ribbon

After happy-hour cocktails to celebrate my friend Kathy's birthday on Saturday night, the group decided to continue the party down the street at the House of Blues. Little did we know that we would find a treasure ... a band that would play excellent music AND make us laugh until we cried. (In fact, we all stood around in disbelief for a good five minutes with a "is this for real?" look on our faces.)

I give you Tragedy, a heavy metal, Bee Gees tribute band.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Think heavy metal sound, disco lyrics, spandex, glitter and some crazy showmanship. (If I had known, I would have brought a real camera, but the iPhone didn't do too bad.) They rocked all the classic Bee Gees stuff, but the pièce de résistance was their version of the Barbra Streisand tune "I am a woman in love." (I almost peed myself.)

If you ever get the opportunity, you have to go see these guys. The music was great (if you enjoy hard rock and the Bee Gees) and watching men dance around in spandex jumpsuits is surprisingly entertaining.

Yes, that is a slightly hefty guy wearing silver spandex shorts, fuzzy pink boots and hot-pink, elbow-length gloves. This photo really doesn't do his beer belly justice.

P.S. There was also an AC/DC tribute band that sounded exactly like the original (and they definitely looked the part). They were excellent, but unless you are wearing fuzzy boots and spandex shorts, you don't get an entire blog post.

P.P.S. Dan thought is was hysterical that HOB serves Pabst Blue Ribbon. Apparently, it brought back some high-school memories for him, so he bought a bucket of them and made us all drink one. Yuk.

Blah, Ugh, Help

Dan has been traveling for over a week now, and although I am not totally alone in the endeavor to keep my children safe and sound, I still feel like I have been hit by a very large truck. Maybe even a bulldozer. Whatever it was, I'm the roadkill. Scarlett summed it up yesterday ...




I really wasn't expecting it to be this hard. Dan traveled a lot when Scarlett was a newborn, and that was exhausting too, but something about working full-time and then coming home to two toddlers (one of whom refuses to go to bed before 9:30) is beyond difficult.

So, first I'd like to give a shout out to all the working, single moms. Holy crap, you ladies deserve an award! Second, while I would like to whine some more about poor me getting my ass kicked by a bunch of half-pints, I really just wanted everyone to know why I haven't been blogging.

And since I am sleep deprived and clearly on the road to depression, here's a fun exercise ... a way for you all to make me feel better. (I stole the idea from a local radio show.) PLEASE entertain me with your witty comments. I need something to keep me awake until at least 10 p.m. And I might even give a prize.


Name something that the Internet has ruined forever.


Their list included:

• Rick Astley (have you been "Rick Rolled?")


• Cats (Because everyone is bothering the poor cats with photo taking for funny captions on Internet sites. Whatever, cats. Get over it.)


• Watching TV with other people


• Motivational posters (I think we are okay with this one, right?)


• Phone books


• Newspapers


• Tom Cruise


• Porn (Because it's no longer mysterious and hard to come by ... and yes, I avoided the obvious joke there ... whaaa. Poor porn guys. It's all so common now.)


• Journalism (I think that might be a dig at bloggers!)


• Privacy

-- The B.S. Cafe is now serving a large helping of parental exhaustion with a side of "what the hell happened to my life?"

Monday Fun

The sky is falling at AIG again today, so I don't have time to blog blog. However, here are a few things for your amusement.

Check out the Cakewrecks blog ... it had me in tears last week. The "fan favorites" (in the sidebar) are the best. I especially loved Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys.

From the Rodeo Cookoff on Friday night (more on this later):

WTF? I don't care if this is a rodeo, under no circumstances am I going into a door marked "heifer." You can bite me, Mr. Porto-Sign-Maker.

Back in the Saddle

Gee, I am such a slacker. Hard to believe it's been so long since I posted. But if it makes it any better, I promise I wasn't doing anything fun.

We got home from Michigan late last Wednesday night, and about 10 miles from home my car broke down. So after dealing with car stuff on Thursday, I had to get ready for a little party I was throwing on Saturday. Now, I am in full gear trying to put together a birthday party for my daughter. So much for my life of luxury.

There is lots to talk about...Paris is out of jail, Nancy Grace is pregnant, Ann Coulter is the devil...but I thought I would entertain you with a little silliness from the Michigan trip first.

Did you know you can buy "bling" out of a candy vending machine these days? For only 25 cents too. Can I interest you in a cute little anchor or perhaps a giant eagle, ladies?

Do you like bacon? Then check out Tony's Restaurant. It's a "greasy spoon" on a highway in Birch Run, Michigan, and they love to load you up on bacon. This lady looked like she wanted to die from embarrassment when her club sandwich came out. (I'm sure it didn't help that I asked to take a photo of her and the monster sandwich.) And look at the other lady's plate...I think there is an egg under that bacon somewhere.

I like to call this picture "Baby Got Back." We ran out of swimmer diapers one day, and let my daughter play in a real diaper. As you can see, she came out of the pool with quite a load. That diaper weighed at least 10 pounds.

This is more bothersome than silly. Please explain to me how this fly got in there in the first place? Isn't that supposed to be some sort of air tight seal between the panes of glass???

And here is where I spent 3 solid days in Michigan. My little piece of heaven.

Movie Madness

I apologize for neglecting my blogging duties, but I have been busy watching movies. My 5th Annual Oscar Bash is quickly approaching and I hope to see as many of the nominated films as possible. Here are the three I saw over the weekend:

1. Smokin' Aces. (not an Oscar contender, I know) This was on date night with the hubby (it was a compromise between Rocky and Dreamgirls). If you aren't put off by lots of blood, it's a great movie.
2. Little Children. Saw this with the girls on Saturday. Also a great movie, and surprisingly funny considering the subject matter, but I would probably classify it as more of a chick-flick. However, there was lots of sex and nudity, so you boys won't be bored.
3. Little Miss Sunshine. Bought the DVD and watched this at home...an excellent film! I like Greg Kinnear and Steve Carell even more than I did before.

What I liked most about these three movies is that they weren't predictable. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy my fair share of predictable movies, but the movies that really stand out in my mind are the ones where I couldn't always guess what was going to happen.

Here's a short list of some of my favorite "unpredictable" movies....The Usual Suspects, Fight Club, The Sixth Sense, Primal Fear, Shawshank Redemption and Forrest Gump.

Your turn! Tell me what movies you think are refreshingly unpredictable.

The Funniest Thing I Heard Last Week

I adore Ellen Degeneres and this clip had me laughing so hard I nearly pee'd myself. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ja0fsYOHU8

My Second Resolution of 2007 - To be More Naughty

Being a mommy doesn't leave a lot of time for naughtiness, but recently I decided to partake in some naughty behavior and quite frankly, I loved it.


Naughty Rhonda heads to the voting booth: Last November, the husband of a woman in the MOMS Club was running for a Texas State Representative position. This woman sent email after email, telling us all to vote for her husband. As if that wasn't annoying enough, one day her 3-year-old pushed my 1-1/2 year old daughter to the ground, where she hit her head on the concrete floor. Usually, I would just chalk this up to kid stuff, but the woman didn't even apologize. I was livid. So, I decided not to vote for her hubby, even though his opponent was DEAD. That's right, I voted for a dead woman. And I laughed all the way out of the polling facility.

Naughty Rhonda attends a Christmas party: My friend Halle had a White Elephant party in December (if you don't know what that is, go here). It was mostly ladies from her neighborhood, but she also included some of her closest friends. (Meaning I only knew about 5 people out of the 30.) So my friend Tracie and I took a prime spot on the couch, and with wine in hand, decided it would be fun to antagonize some of the other party goers. Not in a mean way of course, we simple encouraged more of the craziness that was already happening...picture a house full of women scheming and bickering over $25 gifts. We had women battling over a bottle of Grey Goose, a clock, and a spa gift certificate. It was a total hoot...and I went home with the much-coveted clock. HA! Here's a picture of the chaos....



This is Wendy after Jen "stole" a lovely basket of goodies from her. I was laughing almost as hard as Jen was.

Naughty Rhonda goes to a football game: Whenever my husband sees a "family" bathroom he always teases me about sneaking in and making out. This has been going on for years, but at the last Houston Texans game of the year, I called his bluff. We waited around outside the door until all the families (with real reasons to be in the family bathroom) had their turn and then in we went. Who knew the family bathroom could be so much fun?

Therefore, I resolve to continue with this trend of occasional naughtiness in 2007...it makes me laugh and it keeps me feeling young.


Have you done anything naughty recently?

Just doing what I am told

Today my horoscope read: "Be more present. Appreciate your body. It's the perfect time to reflect on recent events, engage in flirtation and eat delicious, healthy meals. You're a sensuous creature, so do something that helps you appreciate life."

The 3rd sentence was most captivating, because it seemed a little hodgepodge, but let's tackle it anyway.

1. Reflect on recent events - Here's an interesting article from the news today. Apparently, Tigger (Winnie's sidekick) has some anger management problems.
http://www.wftv.com/news/10686229/detail.html# Who would have thought that being a cartoon character could be so stressful that you would resort to beating up 14-year-old boys.

2. Engage in flirtation - Have you been working out? Maybe it's the jeans, but your ass looks great. And your hair looks nice today too. Did you get it cut? It really frames your fabulous eyes. (Your compliment to me goes here) Awww....you're so sweet. What a nice thing to say. You know, if I wasn't married...

3. Eat healthy, delicious meals - KB and I had Mexican food for lunch today and it was delish! My shrimp enchiladas were to die for. Dinner was a little meal (since I pigged out at lunch) consisting of 1/2 turkey sandwich. As you can see, it's either healthy or it's delish...not usually both.

Well, I can't say that I feel more sensuous, but it was a fun exercise anyway. I am still working on the remainder of my New Year's resolutions...did y'all make any??

My First Resolution of 2007 -- To be more helpful

In the spirit of my decision to be more helpful in 2007, I think we should assist the fools who write spam email titles. I know, I know. They suck...we hate them...they clog our email boxes up with crap. But clearly they didn't graduate from junior high...they can't put together a coherent FRAGMENT, much less a sentence...and it's probably the only job they can get. Spam might be less annoying if it's grammatically correct, spell checked, and somewhat entertaining.

Ok, probably not. But here are just a few examples of stupid emails titles I have received this week. These people need help.

- pacesetter homicidal
- historical legal ethical political
- Be sure to read the related article, Stupid yoga tricks: let's all copyright ancient yoga postures.
- cwmino
- swinging
- Some TV shows also have a free space for that.
- Amusing perhaps, but not very efficient if you are after some specific color changing water pipe information.
- DABB DBBB DCBB
- Mac check this.
- Greetings Sergio
- I don't, and I have very little desire to even try (This is the only one I even took a peek at...they almost had me!)

So, here are a few ideas I came up with...I am pretty sure I would at least look at an email with one of these titles:

- The affair your spouse is having
- Great Aunt Bee has passed...you are in her will
- Sorry about your cat
- I can introduce you to George Clooney
- Top Secret...you can't tell anyone!
- Update on that STD
- I have magic pills that will make your penis larger (LOL...kidding!)

Ok, your turn. What title would make you open an email?

What's in a pill?

The setup: My husband had surgery on his hand last Friday and has been taking pain medicine periodically. This was our conversation last night.

Hubby: Good thing I didn't need any pain meds today, there were only 3 left and I just took 2 so I can get some sleep.

Me: Only 3 left? There were 6 in the bottle this morning.

Hubby: Well there was only 3 in there.

Me: Are you sure? If you didn't take any, where would they have gone?

Hubby: Yes, I am sure, Rhonda. (disgusted tone)

Me: Where was the bottle of pills?

Hubby: In the drawer with all the vitamins.

Me: Um, no. Your pills are up in the cabinet by the refrigerator. You just took 2 prenatal vitamins.

Hubby: They were in the same kind of bottle! What's in those vitamins? (panic)

Me: First of all, all medicine from the pharmacy comes in those bottles. Second, they are just VITAMINS for heaven's sake. They aren't baby making pills. (laughing)

Cut to this morning...

Me: How's your hand feeling?

Hubby: It's okay.

Me: Well, if it starts to hurt again, you are welcome to take the last of my prenatal vitamins. (laughing)

Hubby: Very funny.

Me: I thought so.

My husband very rarely has moments like this, and in his defense, my prenatal vitamins DO look almost exactly like Vicodin. Too bad they don't have the same effect...pregnancy would have been much more fun!

Go Kinky!

I voted today. Here's the proof...go me. Now I can't wait to see who wins our gubernatorial race here in Texas.













When pondering what to write about today, I was considering a real come-to-Jesus sort of post, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides, does anyone really care to hear the big scandalous secret about how long it has been since I voted? I didn't think so.

Ok, on to more important matters. ANGRY CHICK. Everyone loves her. Everyone wants to see more of her. Here you go, Angry Chick fans. A little Angry Chick carrying one big-ass pistol.
















I bought these two in a gallery in Chicago (it was a crazy weekend). They are officially called "Go Ahead, Make My Day," but I refer to them as Angry Chick and Mean Pussy. HA!

Setting us back 30+ years

But still pretty funny.

More partying for Mommy!

My friend Carol is getting married and we are heading to San Antonio tomorrow for a bachlorette party on the Riverwalk. Should be fun...hopefully S.A. will produce some stories as good as the Chicago trip (see "Chicago Rocks" post).

Here is something that had me laughing today...the guy who wrote this is a total hoot...make sure you read his idea for a reality TV show. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1004061iggypop1.html

Jon Stewart does it again

Yes, I have a little thing for Jon Stewart. His sense of humor is so on the money that I just can't stand it sometimes. Earlier this week, he was discussing the Mark Foley fiasco, which somehow led into a short discussion on Iraq. He asked "what do you get when you cross a Hellhole with a Cataclysm?"

A CATASTROF*CK.

Isn't that awesome? I haven't enjoyed a made-up word this much since Stephen Cobert coined "truthiness." Of course "Catastrof*ck" is my new favorite word of all time and I will be using it as much as possible. And it shouldn't be too hard to throw into my everyday life. ha!

Fun at Starbuck's

I was in Starbuck's recently (shocking I know) and there was a huge line. Everyone behind the counter was rushing around...it was total chaos. When the man in front of me got to the head of the line, the counterperson asked the usual "what can I start for you today?"

He stood there for a few seconds and then he said "how are you this morning?"

The girl froze...everything came to a complete stand still...you could almost hear the screeching of brakes. (Because of course the coffee tender can't do anything without an order, and the pastry chick doesn't know what to grab out of the case.) Picture a deer in headlights...times three.

She looked totally blank for a few seconds and then finally said "I'm good. How are you?"

"Great, thanks...it's such a nice day out," he replied. She smiled (this smalltalk was totally killing her...she almost looked like she was in pain). After a brief silence, he gave his order and everything got back to normal.

Then he turned to me (because I was laughing out loud) and said "that ALWAYS makes my day."

Now why didn't I think of that?